Frustration!

                                                                     
My biggest frustration these days is looking for work. 

There is the constant threat of severance pay running out and not having a job before that happens. 

There have been plenty of phone calls from interested potential employers wanting to see if I'm still interested in working for them because it's taken them so long to get through the hiring process only to find out its one of the 'loser jobs' that I applied to more for practice than a real desire to work there. 

There have been classes taken and completed in Microsoft Word; Excel and Power Point programs. There have been typing tests galore to polish my typing skills to a brilliant shine (55 words per minute). There was even a class taken in CPR because it's always interested me and it can't hurt. There have been job offers I had to turn down because the pay was so pitiful it is questionable how anyone can sustain life on it. There have been 'free' offers to critique my resume...of course followed by the offer to 'make it professional' for a small fee and for a pittance more they will throw in a professional cover letter. 

But the part about looking for work that really ticks me off are the people that call you to see if you are still available; request a call back to set up a telephone interview; said call back is completed and they are never heard from again! My limit with these types of calls involve two call backs with polite messages left for them. After that, if I don't hear from them within a few days, all information about that job and the telephone tag is documented and filed. If they should call again at some later date I will easily be able to pull the file and read how shabbily they treated such a fine applicant as myself. Hopefully I get the chance to tell them sorry, you missed the boat as I have already been snatched up by a different company and you have missed out on an awesome employee!

Procrastination 101

I wrote this in 1989 when I was still relatively new at the bank. It's nice to know I haven't changed much over the years. 






Procrastination 101

Nontraditional Interdepartmental Training Program

You have been nominated for this pilot program designed to teach the finer aspects of the lesser known skills needed to succeed in the business world. The following modules will be covered in this 5 day course.

A)    Why do it now? : A history of procrastination through the ages.

1.      What is procrastination?

2.      Famous procrastinators of this century.

B)    Procrastination Excellence

1.      Seven basic steps of procrastination.

2.      Putting off 6 of the 7 procrastination steps.

3.      Looking good without really doing anything!

4.      Accomplishing nothing and doing it well!

C)    The Essentials of Procrastination:

An in-depth look at how and why procrastination is crucial to the business world.

D)    The Procrastination Reflex:

1.      Learn techniques for exceptional and creative procrastination.

2.      Examine the responses that can be achieved by a truly gifted procrastinator.

This program is to be monitored closely by some of upper management’s best procrastinators. When they get around to it; they will be evaluating:

A)    Content of the class material ( if there is any)

B)    Presentation of material (assuming we get that far)

C)    Class participation (for those who actually show up)

D)    Instructors technical skills (as if we care)

If this pilot program is rated as successful there will be a series of non-traditional training programs to follow, covering such topics as:

A)    Belligerent Delegating

B)    Toxic Project Dumping

C)    Intro to Spontaneous Management

D)    Developing Damning Documentation

E)     Provocative Presentations

F)     Creative Corporate Composts

Those of you who do not get around to attending the class will automatically be designated as graduates of the class. For those special few who actually offer a creative lie as an excuse for not attending the class, you will automatically be enrolled in our graduate course entitled “Be Vague or Shut-up” (formally known as “Lying to Save Your Butt”). These individuals will also be expected to teach the next Procrastination 101 course.

In the event that any of you do attend this class, you will of course flunk the course and be assigned closet security duty for the next month.

This piece was originally written on March 22, 1989 and sent to my supervisor and a supervisor of a department we worked closely with in the bank. I wrote it in response to yet another request (from my supervisor) for me to complete a task that was not in my job description; something that was happening so often that it was difficult to see exactly how my supervisor was actually employed unless of course his job was simply to see how high I could jump.

My supervisor was not amused and simply asked me when I was going to have that task finished. 
The supervisor from the other department signed up for my class.