Tom Garon was my former brother in law; first husband of my sister, Bunny. I'm not going to sugar coat this for you...I never liked Tom. I never felt he was good enough for my sister and I didn't want her to marry him. He partied too much for my liking and I didn't think he'd make a good husband or father.
I was wrong.
Tom didn't make the kind of husband I would want....but there was never any doubt that Bunny and him were very much in love and for a very long time they were happy. What really came as a surprise to me even after all these years, is that Tom was a great father. He loved his boys and was kind and gentle with them. He played with them like it was the most important thing he had to do in the world. It came natural to him to play with them and you don't see that a lot in most men. I never saw that side of him....maybe I just wasn't looking.
Life didn't go in a positive direction for Tom. His partying took center stage in his life and the spiral downwards began to speed up. I judged him harshly for this and now I feel entirely different about it. I no longer can look at his life and blame him for how it all played out. I'm not so sure he chose the path he ended up taking. I'm more inclined to think that path chose him. He lost control of his life and could no longer even save himself. What I see now is that Tom didn't take anyone with him. He didn't cling to family and friends and try to get anyone to join him or take care of him during his hell ride. He accepted help a few times; tried to straighten out his life. When that failed and he felt he couldn't do it he didn't ask for more help; he accepted his own decisions as being his to make and he separated himself from the people he loved the most. I actually respect him a great deal for doing that.
Tom's life ended sadly just before Christmas 2012, but I think it ended the way he wanted it to....away from his family and friends. He didn't force us all to watch him going down. He didn't ask us to keep trying to save him. He didn't blame us for passing judgement on him. And in the long run he spared a lot of people a lot of anguish.
There is still the sadness and regrets of the family members that tried so hard to help him. There is some guilt and even some anger from the ones that were never allowed to get close to him once he reached a certain point. But at least for me there is a new sense of respect and the anger is gone...the blaming is gone..and most certainly the judgement is gone. Tom's journey could have been any one of us.
Rest In Peace, Tom.
