The sad puppy image is pretty close to how I felt when I went to physical therapy today. For some time now I've been having back issues. A twinge here a dull ache there...until I finally had the ultimate experience with a full blown spasm. Any of you ever been there? It's not a fun place to be but unfortunately it's a familiar place to me. I don't have back pain often but in the last few months I should have seen the handwriting on the wall. (Who exactly IS it that writes on that wall anyway?) The spasm caught me completely off guard. Apparently when you haven't had one for awhile you not only forget how bad they can be...you forget what to do about it too. Eventually I got reacquainted with muscle relaxers which helped a lot but certainly is not the answer. So I had to concede defeat and go to physical therapy. This first session was mainly an evaluation. But who knew that an evaluation would be so involved and so informative. I think I learned more than I wanted to know because now I have more to work on than I want. The good news is after telling me I have more than one problem, and that my muscles are very weak, my therapist claimed very proudly that she can fix me!
Here I was thinking we'd do some exercises and maybe some ultrasound and call it a day...come on, that's way too easy! Everybody knows that physical therapist measure their success by the amount of pain you have the next day.
Actually there were no exercises and no real pain today. She's saving that for the next session and she announced it to me like I was supposed to be excited about coming back for that.
Today was all about "can you do this" and "does this hurt when I bend you this way" and "what number is your pain when I twist this over to the side" (can you see me screaming out numbers and swinging at her?) and lets not forget the "I'm going to press on this area and you tell me if it hurts you". Yikes!
The first little disappointment came when she asked me to stand straight and lift one leg (keep the foot off the ground; knee bent)...hold it as long as possible. That was fine. Then repeat the same thing on the other leg. I'm thinking this is a breeze...I'm doing great. Then the little stinker said ok do that again, but this time close your eyes. What?! It's incredible how quickly you can lose your smugness when you suddenly feel like a roaring drunk trying to break dance just because you have your eyes closed! What the hell??!! I'm not kidding. It suddenly became a whole new ball game once I had to close my eyes. And I have no idea why that should make a difference but it's very disturbing. I was able to keep my foot up for all of about 6 seconds...that's it! Once she stopped laughing, she claimed she could fix that too.
Now I ask you...was that test legit or is that some sick way that therapist get their jollies?
Next she had me lay on the table while she bent me in positions I'm sure only married couples are supposed to be in. Each time she said, does that hurt?..how about this? None of it hurt me and she said I'm very flexible...that's good. (Although I'm pretty sure that means we're engaged now.)
So to recap this sad adventure...my muscles are weak (I'm a weakling); I have more than one area that needs work (also a basket case); I'm very flexible (a subtle threat that the human pretzel therapy is coming); and my back is stiff as a board ( flexible ain't gonna save you sister).
And what does this prove to us all? It proves to me that just because you are thin doesn't mean you are in good shape. And I have to think of a nice way to break off this engagement...but not before my therapy is finished of course.
