I took my granddaughter to her swimming lesson tonight. This was a first for me. I was looking forward to seeing someone (anyone) change this little girl into a mermaid where for the most part so far she has been too afraid to get her face wet.
There were women bringing in other little kids Kaylee's age...all getting ready to join her class. Most of these women were young mothers and apparently they also knew each other. I was at a slight disadvantage...me being the only grandmother there (although a gorgeous one) and me not knowing anyone else (not that I give a rats ass about that). I've had my years of being the soccer Mom and the dance class chauffeur. I don't miss those days one bit although they were a huge part of my life for a very long time.
We were waiting for the class ahead of us to end when one of the mothers told me that 'parents' are only allowed to watch during the first class and the last class. I asked her which class this was and she said 'this is the second one'. That meant I was not going to be allowed to watch the class or take a picture of my little girl putting her face in the water. That also meant I had 45 mins to kill. And I hadn't missed that smug look on her face when she told me either. That look had given me a flashback of school days..and the kids (it was always some little girl with long perfect hair and a freaking halo over her head) that would delight in delivering bad news to you and watching to see your reaction. What she didn't realize was that I was thrilled to have been lumped into the 'parents' category instead of the 'grandparents' category so I wasn't about to give her the reaction she was looking for. (although in my mind I stuck my tongue out at her and wished for her to slip in a pool puddle and fall on her abundantly padded backside!)
So when Kaylee headed into her class, of course I followed. You see, I had really been looking forward to seeing that class and I wanted to be sure I was not allowed in there before I gave up. Plus I'm not at all afraid of authority figures that don't affect my own immediate world...I rather like irritating the rule makers..especially when their rules are stupid and they are all pumped up with unwarranted importance. Well the bad news was confirmed by one of the teachers and I think I know the real reason why. We were told that our presence there is 'too disruptive' for the kids. Poppycock! (where the hell did THAT word come from??!!) After taking one look at those instructors I was convinced that the real reason is they don't want to be seen in their swim suits! These women were very large; very oddly shaped to be sure and pathetically white to boot! I don't think I've ever seen anything like that in a swim suit before. Oh yeah, I gotcha sister...I'll be right outside the door until you're done. They would have totally freaked if I had shown them the camera I brought with me.
I didn't really want to cause a problem for Kaylee and I had no real reason to butt heads with the silly power happy cows (yeah, I said it!) that were going to teach my darling to swim. So I wandered around the hallways, peeking into the other gym at half grown kids that were playing basketball, getting bored with that, trying to talk to cliques of women, failing at that...having gotten the polite answers and disinterested looks...and knowing full well that they were thoroughly enjoying their free time from the little beast of their own that was learning to swim in the next room. I ended up back in the locker room starring at the wall and wishing I had a book with me. Nobody adult paid me any attention but a few little kids tried to get a rise out of me by climbing up on benches (unsafe); jumping in and out of the shower cubes (unsafe) and running around and around at lightening speed on semi-wet floors (really unsafe). I noted that their behavior was dangerous and decided if their stupid mothers were too absorbed in their gossip and husband bashing to watch their own kids...why should I? It was a little later on that I realized that some of these mothers were just plain stupid and didn't see the dangers at all.
I met one little girl who was bored out of her mind and being completely ignored by her mother. Her mother was busy gossiping with another mom so of course she can't pay attention to her daughter! The girl had long dark hair and was dangerously overweight already. She couldn't have been more than 7 yrs old and she is already seriously overweight! This child had rolls of fat and large amounts of padding all over her. I was disgusted. Not by the little girl, she seemed like a good kid...but by the mother, who was also large. Overweight kids are a direct result of piss poor parenting! There, I said it. It's the parents fault. And I watched that little girl sit and mope in a chair; wander around looking for something to entertain herself with; and finally resort to begging her mother to leave. As it turns out they had no other reason to be there other than that mom wanted to gossip with her friend. I thought she may have another child in the same class that Kaylee was in (I was secretly wanting to see if the other child was also fat) but there was no other child. When the class emptied out the two women concluded their talk and finally left. I'm willing to bet money that child is eating to compensate for being ignored or being fed something to 'make her happy' so she'll go away and stop wanting attention. Pathetic! She's being set up to be continually picked on all through school (lets face it, kids do that) and to be an unhappy adult woman with self esteem issues when she's grown up. Way to go incompetent, self absorbed Mom!
Than there was another mother of a particularly irritating little boy that watched her son (probably about 4 yrs old) run around at breakneck speed; jumping over benches and trying to high five the stationary hand driers on every turn. She had a distinctly Stepford Wife look in her eyes the whole time...like little Johnny could do no wrong and he was the most darling little bundle of energy in the world...and didn't everyone else just adore him too??!! Well, no lady, I don't think little Johnny is a darling. In fact little Johnny is a pain in the ass with his loud and annoying bid for attention directed even at strangers because Johnny has been too much indulged at home and is confident that he is the most important thing on this planet. Little Johnny needs to fall on his face and NOT have mommy kiss it and make it all better. Little Johnny needs to find out in the real world it hurts to fall over that bench and end up with a fat lip that bleeds all over your new shirt. Magically, little Johnny left to annoy someone else when I resolutely stopped watching him. That suits me just fine you little unholy terror. I don't want to be on the front line of first aid when you go flying into the cement wall of the shower and crack your head open. Let Mommy handle that mess. She created the monster that is you.
So I found an empty chair with a good view of the clock (which insisted on moving incredibly slow!) and I daydreamed about everything and anything. I noticed a row of hand driers that were fixed high on a wall and mused over them for awhile...eventually deciding that they must be getting used as hair driers instead of hand driers. Good idea! Eventually Kaylee came wandering out from the pool room, wrapped in a towel and shivering all over. Her hair was wet! That means she at least got her head in the water once. Progress has been made this day! I will now refrain from making disparaging remarks about her swimming instructors and their bogus rules. I helped her change as quickly as possible while her lips turned blue. The pool room is extremely warm, the locker room is not. I worried briefly about taking her out into the winter air with a wet head...then whipped my scarf off my neck and wrapped it (very stylishly I might add) around her head. Ta Da! She now looked like a very small immigrant woman and she loved wearing the scarf so we were off.
I survived my first experience with young cliquey, mothers and loud, undisciplined children in a locker room environment. I observed two widely different but both equally damaging parenting types...both having a negative effect on the child. Kaylee survived her dunking in the pool, although she didn't want to talk about it much afterward. The instructors were not spied upon and nobody slipped in a pool of water to fall on their abundantly padded behind...but I can always hope that the smug faced one will finally get her comeuppance when rotten little Johnny whacks his head next to her and Stepford mom expects her to bandage his sweet little head. ha ha
