Question: Is there a purpose to New Years Day that I am not aware of? I know if you were drinking on the eve of this first day of the new year you usually spend the day recovering, sometimes while pretending that you feel fine to anyone that happens to be around. But what if you DIDN'T drink the night before? What the hell is a person not in recovery supposed to do on New Years Day?? I spent my day thinking about cleaning the house but not actually cleaning the house. Eventually this intense thought process graduated to talking on the phone for hours. It was afternoon before I even got in the shower! A great deal of time was then spent trying to coax my hair into NOT curling like a morons perm for a change. During which time I occasionally took breaks to watch the Three Stooges on tv because it was better than screaming and swearing at my hair.
Another session of phone talking took place followed by a half-assed attempt to apply some makeup while once again scanning the bathroom and trying to decide where the cleaning should start. Failing to make a decision again I committed myself to working out on the Total Gym for a grand total of a half hour....while watching the Three Stooges again. This was followed by much muttering under my breath while trying to get a sweater over my head and not disturb my still untamed hair too much. I failed miserably and resorted to once again swearing at my hair.
Back to the bathroom I go...I must need more water on my hair, yes...that must be it. No? That didn't do any good. Perhaps I need more gel...yup, it must need more gel. No...that doesn't help either. I know! I need some of that 'serum' that smooths the hair...that MUST be what I need. I'll put some of that on....and then more gel and maybe more water....etc..etc..etc..
This bizarre ritual ended today with me burning my finger pretty good on the stupid curling iron. I call the curling iron stupid because it can't possibly be ME that is stupid. It's the stupid hair...and the stupid curling iron!
Around 3:00pm ish I stopped caring what my freaking hair looked like and remembered there was an item I saw on line at Khol's that I wanted. I'll go see if I can find that at the store.
Now I know what people do on New Years Day...or at least what a hell of a lot of women do...they shop! And they tote their wimpy husbands/boyfriends along with them to watch them do it and/or hold their pocketbooks. Every time I made eye contact with any of these men they either had the mindless blank stare indicating total mind control was in process or a frustrated desperate look indicating the mind control had not 'taken' and they were looking for an escape route. I stopped making eye contact with them and kept my eyes on the merchandise like the good little shopper I am.
I hated every minute of my shopping experience....no surprise there, I don't have the shopping gene that so many women seem to have. Too many people...excruciatingly long lines to stand in....and no merchandise that could even tempt me to buy it. Children whining and crying while being dragged by the hand, from counter to counter by mothers that were tuning them out entirely. Young girls roaming in packs through the store having constant phone conversations with the boyfriends that were smart enough not to have come to the store. Even the sly/slick looking woman whom I suspected of shoplifting was there...carefully squeezing herself through the crowded areas with hands that just didn't seem to be acting natural. She never made eye contact. I felt compelled to watch her hands anyway...they did odd things...but I can't say I saw them do anything illegal. And then there's the crop duster...yes, you heard me. The rotten woman that blows through the area on half speed spewing her rotten air the whole way. I decided I was all done shopping at that point.
The parking lot was no better. It was packed with cars and stupid drivers that continually cruise up and down the rows like sharks looking for a victim, trying to find a spot closer to the store, so they won't have to walk the few extra yards from the more distant parking spots. These are usually the fat ugly people that would most benefit from walking the extra distance if they parked farther away from the door anyway. It won't make them prettier but it might make them thinner. I don't like these people. They are too intent on their mission and don't watch where I'm walking.
It was a relief to get home safely and I learned a valuable lesson. I will never go shopping on New Years Day again. Next time I will shop on line; talk on the phone; watch The Three Stooges; work out at my leisure; clean the bathroom and let my hair curl as screwy as it wants!
