Michael Jackson is dead at the age of 50. And his death has created a monumental display of love that Michael himself would have most certainly appreciated. So many feelings swirling around about Michael...the amazing icon he was to us all in the 70's & 80's...no one could come close to him...all the way to the pitiful shell of a man, that he became near the end. Many of his fans stuck with him through it all and these are the people we see now mourning him in such a tremendous way, an outpouring of devotion that hasn't been seen since Princess Diana's death. All across the world Michael Jackson's death is being felt by probably millions of people. The shock is overwhelming to many.
I must say I was shocked myself. Michael had become such a recluse in recent years and the very public accusations of child molestations, plus the fact that we had been told one too many times that he was staging a huge come back..all of this just made it impossible for me to think of him in a serious way.
I can't say I was a true fan anymore. I grew away from Michael through all the bizarre behavior, unbelievable attempts to appear "normal", denied plastic surgeries and skin lightening, and of course the court cases. I just wasn't able to see him the way he wanted the world to see him. Although many people did and still do.
Yes, Michael was a super-star, no doubt about it. He was brilliant and gifted in many ways. But I firmly believe that with brilliance; that blinding light of excellence...also comes the dark side of the star...the side that balances out the public image..the side he didn't want us to know about.
For a long time it was Michael's music that we all danced to. Every song he did was a hit. He could do no wrong. He never failed and never gave us less than his perfect best. But Michael's future was a dark spot on the horizon and he was running towards that future full force.
We started hearing about his terrible childhood, the beatings from his father, being used to support the family, his father demanded perfection from him in every way, and it's also been rumored that his father was sexually molesting Michael's sisters. And through it all his mother did nothing. She didn't protect her children; she didn't leave her husband; she professes to love her children but she never did a thing to protect any of them. As a result there is not a single Jackson out there that is normal....none of them. And eventually Michael told it all to the public...he hated his father..and with good reason.
Michael took the lions share of all of it. He was the main meal ticket and his father never let up on him. He never was allowed to be a child, never had a childhood. Is it any wonder that in his early career he seemed amazingly childlike? A twenty -something year old doesn't normally play with children. And he was really playing with them...enjoying the same things young children do, playing with abandon, like he didn't have a care in the world. And we saw this and we wondered about him....but we chalked it up to being eccentric. We let it go, because he's Michael Jackson and he's wonderful!
It's my belief that Michael buried his resentment and hatred of his father for many years. But over time these things festered in him and still he held it in. He became determined to succeed..without his father, without his family. They had all become a burden to him. A reminder of a painful past and he stepped away from them all. Michael was the main event, he didn't need them anyway.
Long before the first accusation of child molestation ever surfaced Michael was way out there with his behavior. Some of it was for publicity, some of it was real. The costumes became more and more outlandish and we loved it. Designers copied it and we bought it. And Michael felt loved by the world. But that wasn't enough for him for very long. Michael is not mentally stable and no one is addressing that aspect of him. He's surrounded by "yes men" and enablers and manipulators of all kinds. Michael began to see himself as God-like, (never realizing that when Gods fall there is no come back) yet he also wanted desperately to be the child he never got a chance to be. Everything in his life was designed to feed these feelings. It was inevitable that he would continue down the road to destruction.
The skin lightening and plastic surgery started...all denied or explained away by Michael and his people. We let it go...we love Michael...he's not weird, he's just unique. Michael develops an abnormal attachment to Bubbles the chimp; treats the chimp like a playmate; more bizarre behavior surfaces; Michael has tons of kids visiting his ranch, everything is provided for their amusement and these are all things that Michael himself enjoys immensely...and there's more plastic surgery. Now some people are beginning to question Michael's strange little world...the press has a field day over it...and it's either justified by Michael's people or explained away.
Eventually the first accusation of child molestation comes out and Michael's fans are horrified. They don't believe it. Nobody sees that Michael perfectly fits the profile for a pedophile?
There's way more that can be told but not enough space here. The strange marriages (to prove to us yet again that he's normal?); the public kiss with Lisa Marie (most awkward kiss I've ever seen); the sudden marriage to Debbie to justify his first child from her (even though we all thought he paid her for her services)...the list goes on and on.
And while all this is going on Michael's mental state is getting more and more twisted. His behavior is more and more odd and reclusive. At this point we are helpless to do anything but watch and wait to see what happens next. And still, the people closest to Michael never reach out to help him...truly help him. Now it's gone too far. Too many years of self medicating; self soothing behavior; nothing normal to compare himself to....Michael is lost.
In the end he ends up looking like a freak of nature, unable to love himself, desperately seeking love and reassurance from children (the only people he considers safe and accepting of him); trying endlessly to appear normal; and failing miserably to even come close to what he needs to survive.
It is my feeling that Michael was destined to end his days in a pitiful collapse of his house of cards. There was no other way possible for this to end. He was mentally ill; probably a pedophile; possibly gay; self-hating; narcissistic; an ego maniac; an admitted drug abuser; a closet alcohol abuser; paranoid and a host of other adjectives that escape me at the moment.
Michael Jackson paid the price of his fame with the misery of his personal life and the tragedy of his mental state. No one does that to their face if they respect themselves...if they are participating in the real world...if they even like themselves.
I mourn for Michael as much as anyone else does. But I also feel that he's possibly taken the best route out of the hell he was living in. It's better that he's gone now rather than taking the slide all the way down to the bottom. This way there will be no more law suits, no more children molested, no more surgeries or skin bleaching, no more agony for him trying to stay at the top of his game when he's unable to do so, no more struggle to ensure the world loves him despite his heavily tarnished image. It's over for Michael and I sincerely hope he's found peace at last. I will remember him as the sweet little boy he started as and the dazzling icon he eventually became. I will always dance to his music and remember him as the King of Pop.
I hope Michael is watching us now and finally knows that he's forgiven for his failings and he had our love all along.
I hope Michael is watching us now and finally knows that he's forgiven for his failings and he had our love all along.
***REST IN PEACE MICHAEL***
